I’m not a doctor, though I’ve seen a fair share of them on TV.
I am familiar with the Hippocratic Oath, the one doctors are supposed to abide by, the one that says “first do no harm.”
But that’s not the oath I’ve been obsessing over lately. I’ve been overanalyzing my own Hypocritical Oath.
Ya know the one I’m talking about — “do as I say, not as I do.”
It seems to be the overriding mantra for the current era. We have all become so self-absorbed and self-centered. Far too often people act like they are the only ones that matter and damn the rest. Or maybe that’s just what I’m feeling right now, in a time where far too many deny science, claim their rights to guns and flaunt health regulations because “god will decide” trumps the ol’ chestnut that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto ourselves, that betrays the notion of helping others in need.
I’ve been horrified by people refusing to wear masks, or attending super spreader events, or spouting conspiracy theory garbage.
And yet here I am contemplating my own hypocritical act.
You see, there’s a marathon in Clearwater, FL, this coming Sunday. I was signed up for it in 2020 and it got cancelled, postponed, moved, reshuffled, and finally declared as happening April 25th.
I missed my window to defer to the virtual option, I think because I really, really, REALLY hoped we’d be in a place where I could go run.
But given my recent postings on WANTS vs NEEDS, on the idea that we are better when we put others before ourselves, I feel like such a hypocrite. The right thing to do is to not go… and yet I’m having an awfully hard time committing to doing the right thing.
There’s all kinds of inspirational quotes that play off the idea that the only things we regret are the things we didn’t do, not the things we did. An internet search says it originated with famed film director Michael Curtiz, a guy who made a lot of movies I love (Captain Blood, Casablanca, The Adventures of Robin Hood, Yankee Doodle Dandy, to name just a few). But let’s be honest – the internet is a cesspool of flawed quotes.
And besides, I’m living proof that I have a lot of regrets for things I HAVE done — professionally, personally, emotionally, politically. And oftentimes it’s that I DID one thing when I should have DONE something else.
I’m both overthinking and under thinking everything and every thing.
The organizers of the Clearwater marathon claim they are utilitizing Covid-19 safety protocols. These include mask requirements during the start and finish (but not whilst running), staggered two person paced starts every 30 seconds to spread out the field, and social distancing efforts for spectators and aid stations. But this IS Florida, so the state protocols are also, “Pew, pew, pew! We do whatever because DeSantis is a lying Trump lackey!” Sigh.
I know if I went and brought back something that got my mom sick I’d never forgive myself. That makes the decision easy… except gods am I sick of being stuck in one place. I understand everyone’s frustration and burning desire to shake off the pandemic and try and get back to something, ANYTHING that approaches what was the before times.
The fact that I can’t say definitively I’m NOT going to the marathon on Sunday speaks volumes to my own hypocrisy.
First do no harm, right — but is it more harmful NOT to go? I’m desperate for a change of scene and a change of pace (both literal and figurative).
Fuck.
Maybe that expletive is the mantra of our times.