–KSH, May 1, 2017
A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don’t want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don’t find this stuff amusing anymoreIf you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al–Excerpt from Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al”
Nonetheless, the voices in my head were at odds.
1 – I can’t believe they’re charging $5 for this.
2 – Well, we’re running this race in large measure due to their promoted registration fee of $26.20. I suppose $31.20 for a marathon is still pretty cheap.
1 – That’s true… it just feels a bit disingenuous.
2 – You’re in a real snitty mood, aren’t you? Snap out of it. Get it together, man!
By the dawn’s early light, more and more runners filtered in. There was an accident on I-77 and the police asked the race to delay 15 minutes to allow them to clear traffic *before* the marathon closures congested the area even more. Though fortunately the forecast lightning didn’t materialize and the race could go on, the projected cloud cover was non-existent and the humidity was rising.
1 – My socks have lost elasticity. They keep bunching up. I’m going to get a blister.
2 – Won’t be the first time; won’t be the last.
1 – Gonna be a hot day. Even hotter since we’re starting at 7:15. You wouldn’t think 15 minutes would make a huge difference… and yet I know it’s gonna be that much harder.
2 – As they keep announcing, it just means we all need to hydrate more.
Before the start, I chatted with a charming professor from Kent State. She told me this was an all-new course as they had been starting and finishing at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in years past but that area is under a major renovation/expansion and it’s a construction nightmare. She said that was partly the rationale for the $26.20 fee, hoping to keep runners coming given the race’s unique challenges this year. There was a definite sense of figurative “calling audibles,” not just with the aforementioned parking lot.
1 – There’s a juggler running.
2 – And he’s not just doing a three-ball cascade; it’s a 5 ball juggle.
1 – I’m having enough trouble running in my shirt and shorts. And this guy’s going to juggle the whole way. Swell.
With the canon fire start, we were off and running. The route apparently was a large horseshoe, a giant U turn out to 13.1 miles and then we turned around and ran back the same way to get to the finish.
1 – There’s the McKinley Monument!
2 – We’ll see it again in 20 miles or so.
The mile markers and kilometer markers were football jersey and history based — so for example mile 12 featured number 12 Joe Namath. And mile 6? It highlighted the six-ring champion Steelers… and though we were in Canton, there seemed to be a large Pittsburgh contingent.
1 – It’s getting really hot and humid. I don’t think I can do this.
2 – Of course you can do this. You’ve done this before.
1 – Lots of times.
2 – You can do this; you may not want to do this but that’s a different thing. Words matter.
1 – Fine, fine. I don’t want to do this today.
2 – Why?
1 – It’s hot. I’m tired.
2 – You’ve done races with pneumonia, food poisoning, in extreme heat and extreme cold, in thunder, lightning, hail, sleet, sun, rain, and all things inbetween. Suck it up, buttercup.
1 – I’m feeling like it’s a slog.
2 – You said you felt soft in the middle. Well, you over-carboloaded and have been over carbo loading. You need to run this to make a start at remedying that.
1 – But I don’t want to. And I’m having a terrible hair day.
2 – While it’s true about the hair, now you’re just whining. Look — there’s the First Ladies National Historic Site. It’s inside one of the local historical McKinley houses.
2 – And there’s the Canton Museum of Art.
1 – I’m pretty sure that’s my lower intestine.
2 – You may not know art, but you know how to be snarky. It is both a charming and distressing character trait.
1 – At least I know the difference between “It’s” and “Its.”
2 – Well, usually.
1 – I suppose it could be a typo in two different ways. They may mean: “Promote COLON It is values” as in Football is in itself the embodiment of values. Albeit tell that to OJ or Aaron Hernandez or any number of players who have done horrible things.
2 – I think they meant it as “Promote Its Values” as in one should promote the values that belong to Football… albeit again, as with all things there are exceptions that one hopes proves the rules.
1 – Words matter. And I don’t mean to be a grammar cop…
2 – Yes. Yes, you do.
1 – Okay, okay. I do.
2 – Heading to the turnaround, there’s a chiropractic center sponsoring a water stop… complete with a mascot vertebra.
1 – I should really get a photo with her.
2 – Well, maybe on the way back… We’ve already passed her.
1 – Mission Accomplished.
2 – I wonder which vertebra she was…
1 – I’ll shout back and ask
I call over my shoulder, “Which vertebra are you?”
Somebody shouts back, “Lumbar!”
2 – I suppose that makes her a lumbar support!
1 – I hate you.
2 – Oh, you’re just in a mood. You wish you’d thought of that.
1 – Technically I did… because you’re me and I’m you.
2 – Yes, yes. TECHNICALLY.
1 – Yeesh. I’m really hot. I’m struggling. I need to walk.
2 – No. You want to walk.
1 – No, I NEED to walk. I feel a cramp. I feel like that lower intestine sculpture outside of the Canton Art Museum is scrunching up and rebelling.
2 – Hmmm… we’ve been here before. It’s just a jaunt back the way we came. Keep moving.
1 – Someone just said my name.
2 – OUR name.
1 – I guess. But that makes us sound insane.
2 – Potato, po-TOT-oh.
1 – Hey! It’s Dee Dee! One of my Mainly Marathon friends!
2 – She says she missed us at Boston two weeks ago.
1 – Boston — man, I’m doing worse than I did there.
2 – It’s a recovery, rebuilding race, remember?
1 – And as I said to you, I suspected I’d be bummed if I faltered in this race. The course should be easier.
2 – But the temperatures are somewhat similar.
1 – Doesn’t matter. I took a week off. I should be doing better. What’s the point?
2 – The point is to keep going. If you want to be finished, the only option is to keep moving forward.
1 – They’d pick me up and drop me off at the finish.
2 – That wouldn’t be a finish then. That would be a DNF — did not finish.
1 – But it’s one way to go.
2 – Are you really thinking of quitting? Really?
1 – No. Well, yes. For a moment.
2 – The moment has passed. Move. Keep moving. Do it. Do it now.
1 – It’s getting harder.
2 – It rarely gets easier as the day goes on.
1 – My leg is bothering me. The one that led me to not run for the past week.
2 – Bothering you or debilitating you? Words matter.
1 – Ugh, fine. Just stop talking. I’ll just keep going. It’s just there. It’s not awful, but there’s a…
2 – Tweaking?
1 – I don’t know the word. I’m tired. Let me just put one foot in front of the other.
2 – That’s the spirit!
1 – Is it? Or is it just asking for trouble later?
1 – Twenty miles later, I’m back at McKinley’s Monument.
2 – See? You’ve been here before — you know there’s less than 4 miles to go since the Monument was at about 3.5 miles from the start.
1 – So I have about 3.5 miles then.
2 – Yes.
1 – Then why not say that instead of less than 4 miles?
2 – Because I don’t know if it’s EXACTLY 3.5 miles but I do know it’s less than 4 miles. And–
1 – “Words matter.” Yeah, yeah. I know.
1 – Andy, a fellow runner, comes up behind me and encourages me. We discuss the heat.
2 – He says he felt it all kinda come apart for him around mile 20; that he went out too fast and was paying for it now, especially after the 15 minute delay.
1 – He asks what I was hoping to hit today. I lie and say 3:20… even though in my heart I was hoping for a sub 3:15.
2 – He’s encouraging! Says he’ll run with me and try and get me in as we can still do it.
1 – I’m trying. I try and keep up. But there’s a temptation to slow… my side is cramping up. Or is that just in my head?
2 – We need to hydrate more.
1 – We just need to finish. I just need to finish.
1 – I gotta walk.
2 – That’s okay. Just keep moving forward.
1 – But that just ends any chance of a 3:20.
2 – It’s a rebuilding run…
1 – It’s a failure. I’m a failure. I’m fat and overweight and lumbering and–
2 – Hey, look! It’s a… um… beaver? Woodchuck? We should stop and take a photo.
1 – If I stop now, I may not be able to restart. Where’s the damn finish line?
2 – There. There it is. Just ahead…
1 – There’s the 7:30 pace flag that I last saw at the start of the race.
2 – We did it! We finished.
1 – I feel lousy… but hey — there’s Andy! He was a few minutes ahead of me in the end.
2 – All told, it was a 3:23 day.
1 – Slower than Boston.
2 – But a finish. And a rebuilding race to reset after not running for a week.
1 – But it’s slower than Boston.
2 – Boston was two weeks ago. Let it go. That’s the past. This is now. Focus on the next. Move forward.
1 – Words matter. And I keep hearing the words in my head that this is too hard, that I don’t want to do this.
2 – And yet, you did. You did it. You… wait for it…
2 – Catched up! Free hot dogs at the end.
1 – That doesn’t make any sense.
2 – Maybe not… I’m dehydrated and delusional…
1 – At least there’s a shuttle bus back to the parking lot…
2 – Aw, hell.
***
1 – It was a tough day; I started off, well, “off” and I never really got into any kind of groove
2 – Well, it all really seemed to come a bit undone in the closing 6 miles…
1 – Oh, it had fallen apart way before then… I don’t care what the numbers say. My head and my heart were telling me it was a rough one.
