It will be a day long remembered. Hot and humid before the sun even came up… and then ever more hot and humid as the sun rose in the sky.
There’s always this weird balance of impulses at runDisney themed events. At times the organizers want to set up a narrative throughline. And so the Dark Side Challenge posits that the First Order is looking for stormtrooper recruits who will be placed with Captain Phasma upon completion of… I guess the Physical Training (PT) exercise (both literal and figurative)? But then how does one account for the appearance of Darth Maul… or the Ewoks… or the Rebels of Star Wars Rebels … all of whom exist in an earlier timeline from The Force Awakens era setting that seems to be the focus. And how can Darth Vader be there at one moment and Kylo Ren at another? The latter has his … spoiler alert… grandfather’s ashen mask in his quarters and talks to it like it were his giant rabbit Harvey.
I love the madness but it’s also a bit … confusing. Dressed as I was an Imperial Officer, I decided to try and pose for photos as if it were my first day with the Empire… or at least that’s what I tried to do when I was able to form coherent thoughts through the lack of sleep and overall stiffness of a whirlwind tour of NC. Anyway, for my “origin story,” I imagined I was being hazed as the “new guy” and just generally dealing with the orientation and training that goes with starting a new job. Some of the photos and comments work, some don’t… but, hey, if Boba Fett and Kylo Ren can share a photo opp stage then that’s how we’re gonna roll… right BB-8?
***
Punch it, Chewie. Let’s see if we can do point 5 past light speed…
There has been an awakening. At 2 AM my alarm went off and I donned my uniform.
The staging area for the start was a bus ride away from the Epcot Finish, to the Magic Kingdom’s parking lot. There, one could snag a shot with the various villains of the Star Wars Saga… plus, BB-8. Why? Because, um, he’s awesome.
Amidst the starting corrals there was Waldo… and a series of Slave Disney Princesses mashups… including this Snow White.
I had time qualified into Corral A and so I got to start pretty much moments after 5:30 AM. The announcers indicated there would be 19 starts with (gulp) 3 minutes between waves… Meaning if you were at the back of the pack, you would be standing around for almost an hour. And that meant your day was going to be hot-hot-hot! Like the surface of Mustafar hot…
So here’s where I’ll kinda do snide, snarky “first day” commentary…
I got lost trying to find my way around and bumped into this droid… Help me little droid — you’re my only hope! Can you access the main terminal or something and pull up a map?
The guys in the motor pool said it was just like riding a bike… but they never asked me if I could ride a bike.
During my training on an AT-ST, I got sideswiped by a tree. These guys didn’t have any insurance. It’s gonna be one of those days…
“Hold this,” my boss said. And then he turned on the trash compactor. Said they did it to all the new guys.
A couple of troopers were going to show me to the cafeteria but one of them had a bad transmitter. I think he said his name was TK-421.
As part of the first day, I got to meet the big man himself. He apparently always does a photo opp with new hires — says it helps build team spirit. Then he asked me where I saw myself in five years — he shook his head dismissively saying he was looking for somebody with a bit more ambition. I don’t know, I thought floor supervisor was a pretty lofty goal.
So I had to drop something off at Hoth. I asked if I would need a jacket and the guys said it’s their summer… Funny guys. Real, funny.
When the Emperor’s away, the officers will play… me in the big guy’s chair! I could totally rule the galaxy! Plus the lumbar support was awesome!
I swear I’ve seen these two before. I want to say it was waiting in line at the Imperial Post Office…
I finally figured out I was being pranked throughout the day… so when this dude tried to tell me he was the Emperor’s Apprentice, I knew he was lying. As if, right?
Check this out — luxury staff accommodations! Although the elevator is a bit dodgy.
I never forget a face — these are my boys from my basic training days on Tataouine. Wait, now that I think about it, it might have been Jakku… I do know we couldn’t hit womp rats to save our lives. I hope their aim has improved!
So there was this scavenger hunt training to teach us the layout of the post. We were supposed to find some prisoner transfer from Cell Block 1138. Totally easy. I will admit I had to talk him out of ripping my arms out of the sockets by telling him he didn’t lose.
By the end of the day, I got a sweet posting on this planet called Scarif…
But then apparently there was some weapons test of a fully armed and operational Epcot Center… so I had to rush back to the shuttle transport.
***
Bumped into these guys on my way out… there was something very familiar about them…
I assume that when word got back to the Emperor about me sitting in his chair, I got a call that Lord Vader wanted to see me. The Emperor is not as forgiving as he is so I thought I lucked out…
***
Post race pics:
Captain Phasma
Non-Undercover Boss Kylo Ren.
***
Mom was good enough to come out and cheer me on… so I liked to pretend it was “Take Your Mom To Work Day” at the Empire…
In this next pic, I was told “No Touching” — but the music was blaring so loud I couldn’t understand them. It was almost a thing. I had a very bad feeling about it…
All told, I blew through the photo lines and headed home. I was back before 9 AM… but man was it hot and humid. I feel bad for the folks who had more miles to go before making the jump to hyperspace. But the force is strong with them all… and perhaps the best advice any of us can receive when doing a Star Wars Half Marathon is this:
