Ugh.
I’m sitting here at my computer redreshing my web browser in the hopes of getting into the Covid-19 vaccination registration portal. They announced expanded eligibility effective at 9 AM today so I’m hoping to get on the schedule as soon as I can. I’m having flashbacks to college days of trying to register for classes. And yet, back in my day we didn’t do so online; we used an automated telephone system which required us to punch in 6 digit codes for each class we wanted. The system, known as CAROLINE (I went ot the University of North Carolina… so, ya see, Carolina… Caroline… oh, bureaucratic puns are so droll!). More often than not, even if you pulled an early access date, the automated voice would say, “Request…” and pause for dramatic effect, “Denied. This class is full… please make another selection and try again.” I fear this may happen in world wide web format when I try and find an appointment time for the vaccine.
Even when I get my shot, I will not be la-de-dah-ing along as if the pandemic was done and dusted. Far from it. It’s now that we need to be extra vigilant. We need to mask up, wash our hands, and keep our distance. The variants and the surges are all real and those that ignore the simple acts of prevention and precaution would wreak havoc on the health care system and economy and social and mental well being of EVERYONE, not just themselves. While I have hope that my state is opening up eligibility, I am just as hopeless when I see images of the Spring Break crowds throwing all reasonable and practical steps for controlling the pandemic to the wind.
This pull/push of emotions has made me want to curl up under the covers and just ignore the world until it’s all over. Much like the beginning of this whole thing, I find myself binge stress eating, fretting, and not feeling like getting out there to run. It all feels so insularly pointless. And yet not rousting myself, not getting up and out there into the world to get moving, masked and /or significantly distanced from others, has not made things better. It’s made it worse.
I’m telling myself that once I get my appointment straightened out for the vaccine… and that could be that even at 9:01 AM I am too late and my request is denied… that once I know where I stand today, I will try and make a move to improve other aspects of my being. I may be just as unsuccessful but I will at least try.
It’s when we deny ourselves and others a chance that we fail. It’s when we stop trying that we really fail.