My ankle is bugging me. Could it be that I’m old? That the mileage has taken a toll? That it might be time to (gasp) take a break from running? Gosh, I hate that feeling of not having run — it messes with my head and the lack of endorphins clearly indicates this whole running thing is an addiction. But as addictions go, it could be worse. I could be addicted to breaking Faberge eggs, a la Springfield’s Bleeding Gums Murphy.
I’ve decided to take today off from running. It’s… disheartening and difficult. I’m sure anyone who lives in a glass house can hurl all kinds of stones at this. It sounds crazy, I know — what’s the big deal about skipping a day and resting up an ankle that’s not awful but has a bit of a twinge, a nagging “huh… what’s that all about?” stiffness to it. But there’s something inherently psychological about running — years ago I went all in on it as a stress relief from a job I didn’t love but couldn’t quit. Then it became a stress relief and psychological boost for life in general. Now, the running is as much a part of me as any other aspect. I never thought I’d become one of “those people,” a “runner.” But the reality is that running is an intrinsic, defining characteristic for who and what I am.
That’s a tough realization to come to as well — I’ve never liked labels or boxes that define anybody. We are all far too complex to be fit with such constraining words. Words have power and meaning; I think it’s why I’ve resisted a lot of things in life that would assign a label to me. It’s cost me relationships and opportunities and no doubt fun and adventure. But I chose to go along a different path and for whatever reason I chose to go with running as a means to traverse that path, to travel my road and see the world courtesy of my own two feet. And I’ve had plenty of fun and adventure and opportunities.
I’ve known for a while now that I’m one of “those people,” that I am in fact a “runner.” Hell, I bought a domain called runKevinrun.com for crying out loud. I even have an embroidered jacket that says so! But it’s still funny how we take aspects of who we are for granted and only really see what makes us who we are when we’ve lost that aspect.
This rest day is just for a day or two I know but it has already messed with my head. This slightly melancholy, obviously rambling nonsense (well… MORE obviously rambling nonsense than usual!) serve as a warning sign to others that I haven’t gone for my run today. I’m a different person when that happens and I know it.
On the compromise side, I fully intend to walk with my Mom on her mileage today. I may be taking a break from running, but I’m not crazy enough to go cold turkey.
Here’s hoping that a day or two off means a lifetime of running continues, that running as a whole continues to define a part of me. Not all of me, but a very real, large part of me. It’s a label I’m not willing to give up. I suppose in the label game that means I also maintain the tag of “stubborn.”
I can run with that; I can live with that.